Archive for the ‘Action Figures’ Category

He-Man Has the Power

Monday, August 10th, 2009

Some people, like me, are G.I. Joe people. Some people are He-Man people.

My friend Ben is a He-Man person. He made even a song. It makes me almost wish I could join his heathen He-Man ways, but I’ll be a Joe until I die. It’s my name even.

What have you wrought, Rise of Cobra?

Sunday, August 9th, 2009
50% less likely to be a member of the Village People

50% less likely to be a member of the Village People

Seeing Shipwreck likes this seems…wrong. He’s not even in the movie!

I need this!

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Someone get me one. Now!

EDIT: The Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes ones are pretty sweet too, but what did they do to Duke?

“Leather-Wreck?! I’ll wreck you!”

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Yeah, I know we’ve all seen this, but:

I love it. Of course, I’m “that guy” that loved the Transformers movie, too. It won’t be perfect, but given what Hollywood is willing to pump out, it looks good to me.

Besides, do you really want this on your movie screen? Do you?

Yeah.  That COULD be the way they did it, people.

Yeah. That COULD be the way they did it, people.

“Snake” is “sneak” spelled sideways.

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

Hasbro has been pumping out a lot of great boxed sets in the past few years, but the DVD Battle Packs take the cake. Based on the cartoons, these are the first actual toy representations of some of the classic Cobra superweapons.

The M.A.S.S. Device comes with a scuba-suit Baroness all kitted out to fight giant tubeworms at the bottom of the sea (because that’s where “heavy water” comes from in G.I. Joe land, you see). Also present is radiation-poisoning Snake Eyes, but don’t worry, he’ll live. A simple dressing of leaves and herbs will suck that radiation right out!

The Revenge of Cobra set actually comes with a full on weather dominator. None of the characters look really unique, but it does come with some evil vines so that Roadblock can “stick his big green thumb right up Cobra’s nose.” Sadly, this set does not contain a giant Aztec robot. Lame.

Each set comes with a piece to build the M.A.S.S. device and is makred with “Set X of 5,” so we know there will be more to look forward to. The next one is apparently the Pyramid of Darkness, but it looks a bit weak to me. Let’s hope they do better with Arise, Serpentor, Arise. Sadly, I expect the last set to be based on the G.I. Joe Movie, and no good can come of that.

Water! Water puts out fire! WATER!

Saturday, August 9th, 2008

They may not get as much love as Transformers or Care Bears, but Battle Beasts were one of the cooler 80s toys. They were like M.U.S.C.L.E. only with actual colors and weapons and moving arms. I was reminded of these over the weekend by some friends who are obsessed with rock/paper/scissors, because they are basically the same thing. See each one had a heat-sensitive chest symbol that would show one of three elements (which was the same technology that let Transformers have SECRET Autobot or Decepticon logos), and each element beat and was beaten by one of the others. Except unlike rock/paper/scissors, once you use a guy, everyone will know what he does. Oh well. They were still fun toys.

(Man. That theme song SUCKS!)

Apparently in Japan these had comics that tied them in to the Transformers story there. Crazy.

Playing He-man with good ol’ Dad!

Friday, August 8th, 2008

80s toy ads have to be given some small amount of respect: they were generally pretty good about showing actual kids playing with the actual toys. In the 90s we had a lot of bullcrap ads that made kids think their new action figure could fly and transform itself and shoot actual lasers out of its eyes. It seems we are only now getting back to ads that show actual footage of the toy in action (no doubt thanks to some serious lawsuits), but they are still pretty weak. You think your Power Ranger’s spring-loaded missile will really knock over that wall of plastic cups? Good luck, kid.

He-Man took it a step further than most 80s ads in terms of realism, though. I found a few of these gems while browsing through GraySkull Museum’s massive collection:

Yep, on schoolnights, many kids’ best playmate was their dad. And yes, your dad was probably exactly that lame at pretending he was terrified of Man-E-Faces. It didn’t matter, though. The fact that he cared enough to try (and this one tries pretty hard) and the fact that your 7-year old brain could only piece together about 15% of the fact that he was putting you on made it almost as good as that kid down the block.

You have to wonder if Dad is really keeping an eye out, though:

“What do we have here?” Huh? The toy castle. That you bought for me. Toys ‘R Us? You were there? I mean, this wasn’t the 80s. Kids didn’t have their own credit cards and cellphones from birth yet.

Oh well, at least he gets involved enough to put Beast Man behind bars. That’ll teach him to break parole.

Dad #1 returns and pulls out all the stops for this last one:

He does voices and everything! He’s also more realistic than Norman Rockwell fantasy dad #2. If your dad’s hair ain’t thinning, he’s not doing his job right! Also note the constant trend of two boys between all three ads. Those guys are gonna be miserable when their kids get old enough to begin their careers in casual street vandalism.

I wasn’t into He-Man so much as G.I. Joe, but I remember putting my own father through similar agonies, and I’m pretty sure he made a similarly earnest attempt to join in the fun. God bless parents spoiling us kids rotten!