80s toy ads have to be given some small amount of respect: they were generally pretty good about showing actual kids playing with the actual toys. In the 90s we had a lot of bullcrap ads that made kids think their new action figure could fly and transform itself and shoot actual lasers out of its eyes. It seems we are only now getting back to ads that show actual footage of the toy in action (no doubt thanks to some serious lawsuits), but they are still pretty weak. You think your Power Ranger’s spring-loaded missile will really knock over that wall of plastic cups? Good luck, kid.
He-Man took it a step further than most 80s ads in terms of realism, though. I found a few of these gems while browsing through GraySkull Museum’s massive collection:
Yep, on schoolnights, many kids’ best playmate was their dad. And yes, your dad was probably exactly that lame at pretending he was terrified of Man-E-Faces. It didn’t matter, though. The fact that he cared enough to try (and this one tries pretty hard) and the fact that your 7-year old brain could only piece together about 15% of the fact that he was putting you on made it almost as good as that kid down the block.
You have to wonder if Dad is really keeping an eye out, though:
“What do we have here?” Huh? The toy castle. That you bought for me. Toys ‘R Us? You were there? I mean, this wasn’t the 80s. Kids didn’t have their own credit cards and cellphones from birth yet.
Oh well, at least he gets involved enough to put Beast Man behind bars. That’ll teach him to break parole.
Dad #1 returns and pulls out all the stops for this last one:
He does voices and everything! He’s also more realistic than Norman Rockwell fantasy dad #2. If your dad’s hair ain’t thinning, he’s not doing his job right! Also note the constant trend of two boys between all three ads. Those guys are gonna be miserable when their kids get old enough to begin their careers in casual street vandalism.
I wasn’t into He-Man so much as G.I. Joe, but I remember putting my own father through similar agonies, and I’m pretty sure he made a similarly earnest attempt to join in the fun. God bless parents spoiling us kids rotten!
